Hear Say

"Hello Mrs Gluck? Hi my name is Mrs Stern. Do you have a son called Moshe? Well I advise you to be very careful with him. What do you mean? Well you know how he goes to the Snooker Club down In Seven Sisters? Yeah well you know he hangs out with Girls there. And you know what else. Recently he has been seen in alleyways with Girls. So Mrs Gluck, if you don’t want your son to have a Mamzer very soon. I advise you not to let him out the house after 10.00 or at least check out some of his friends."

No; this is not a little story that I just made up. This story actually happened. And you know when? A few days before Rosh Hashonah. I bet this Mrs Stern thinks she is a real do-gooder. Is it not bad enough for a mother to know that her son does not have the best name because he didn’t stay in Yeshivah until he got married? Is it not bad enough for that mother that she is having a hard time with her son with Shidduchim because he hasn’t got the Best name? Instead she gets some so called “do-gooder” calling her up and telling her complete Junk about her son. (Believe me what they are saying about him isn’t true, I know this guy.)

Or how about this? A friend of mine was asking Shidduch information about a girl to one her closest friends who is now happily married. Do you know what this girl said about her friend? Yeah she now dresses like she is more up for it. It seems like now she will go out with a guy. It is a known fact that this girl was one of the top-graduating girls from her Sem class. Maybe the problem was that she started wearing her hair loose because she thought she looked better. Or maybe she started (gasp, shock) wearing a bit of lipstick?

In a community as close knit as ours, most of us will be able to very closely observe what is going on in our neighbours living room. We might not pretend to see what going on, but how many times have you seen a juicy piece of gossip, like the fact that your neighbour has a DVD player or something stupid like that, because when you went upstairs to fetch your washing as she was doing you a favour because your washing machine broke, you saw it. And have you not hesitated to think that by you telling your sister it’s an intrusion on her privacy?

And even if you don’t understand that its an intrusion on her privacy, then maybe its an intrusion on her name. Maybe the following week she will apply to get her son into a school and by not having Yicus or money, all she has is her good name, and now you have destroyed that small ally she had on her side?

I don’t feel that I am the one to give Mussar ever; I don’t even think I have the right to say anything in concern to high holidays that have been and are to come. But instead of being so brainwashed by the Rebetzeen about your Tznius or the fact that you should try and go to the Mikvah every morning. Maybe we should all try to work on our Sinus Chnium and Bein Odem Lechavarah. I understand that sometimes a person may not have the best name because he/she once did something very stupid that they surely regret now. But do you think it’s your place or business to actually let the world and its cleaner know about it. Or maybe think about it, and imagine if it would be your daughter or son they would be calling about? How would it make you feel, especially when you have not even checked your facts? Especially when its complete and utter nonsense?

Maybe all the So-called do-gooders should stop and think and say
“Are you really your brothers keeper?”